24 HOURS IN EAST AFRICA

It all started with a phone call from Wilco: “Soutie- we need you to buy us a case of Konyagi and plenty bitter lemon.” My first question to myself was- what the hell is Konyagi and why do we need so much? After asking around a bit I find out that it is a local Gin -35% that you can buy in a 500ml bottle and costs about 5000 Tanzanian shillings, which if you convert works out to be about R25. 

So my truck is packed with a case of Konyagi, bitter lemon and all sorts of other goodies, oh yes and a few F.T’s and I set off from Arusha- the weather is so KAK that my little F.T’s are complaining that they can’t see Kilimanjaro etc, the norm from your average tourist when the weather is kak. It is quite a short drive from Arusha to Ngorongoro crater but it is a lekker one with plenty Maasai riding their bicycles holding their sticks and talking on their cell phones- remember this is supposed to be deepest darkest Africa but cell phones have become a part of the culture with a cell phone pouch next to their Maasai knives on the belt- I found that quite funny.

 After heading up the ‘escarpment’ looking at the very beautiful Lake Manyara we hit the gate to the park. Me as the new guy doing it blind arrived way too early and had to ‘hang ball’ for over an hour so that I could get my permit- at the same time I am so excited to get to camp to find out what this dam Konyagi tastes like…  So Simba camp for the folks, who have not been there, is awesome! It is in the crater rim overlooking the Ngorongoro- literally takes your breath away because it is so beautiful but mostly because as soon as you step out of the truck you kak in your pants because it feels like being in the drakensberg in July!! 

The Konyagi makes sense now just to stay warm. After a couple of minutes I hear in the background the unmistakable characteristic sound that a Drifters bull bar makes when it even smells a kak road- we all know that sound so well. All of a sudden Simba campsite turned into what looks like a Monday morning at the workshop when you have three trucks signing in, plenty tents all over the place chairs scattered and three guides who haven’t seen each other in a long time.  Wilco who was now wearing his lovely wife beater edenvale vest, bare foot and as dirty as a township dog obviously cannot feel the cold because he has too much boerewors in his DNA- just kidding… and Tina who always seems to have a touch of class driving a 15 ton truck wearing her fashionable ‘snow slippers/boots’ and denim shorts. Me being the only ‘soutpiel’ probably looked like an idiot with long pants and a fleece- maybe I should eat more boerewors…

 After entertaining all of the standard F.T questions and getting dinner on the way, we finally tuck into the first bottle of Konyagi in true Peter Woolfe style by biting the hell out of the lid …it is fantastic, almost comparable to a first experience with Tippo Tinto Rum. This boded well for the rest of the evening. To help with the semi arctic weather up there we put ‘burning fossil fuels for fun’ to good use as we had the biggest fire I have seen on a Drifters tour, fantastic fire fantastic people great Konyagi, what more would you want- truly the best job in the world at times like this. After all of the formalities like feeding the F.T’s, doing briefings and making small talk with F.T #1 about the Autobahn for the 100^th time- most people had gone to bed finally!!! As most of you know, this becomes the best part of the day but for soutpiel, Tina and Wilco it was only the beginning. 

Well all I can really remember from the rest of the night with sheer clarity was when Wilco and I had the fantastic idea of trying to catch one of the three Bush pigs that were trying to get into my kitchen. Long story short… both soutie and Wilco lying on the ground with a few scratches and a ‘Fok Eina’ said in between that type of laughter you get when you have had plenty puza. Good times. Don’t ask me how we eventually got to bed, but we did probably just before the birds have their first piss in the morning. In true Drifters style, the kettle was hot on the fire and breakfast was out at 05h30 waking the little F.T’s up with a smile of course. Thank goodness by 6h15 they are all gone again for the game drive into the crater which meant back to bed for us- fantastic post drinking babelaas control…I call it responsible drifters guiding. The worst thing about Simba camp is that there were no trees where we were and by 9 in the morning you are kucking off from the heat. 

Being good Drifters guides we start taking the F.T’s tents down for them, but this is when the real babelaas hits- standing in the sun, sweating your gat off, mouth tastes like a hyena slept in it etc etc, we have all been there- the price you pay. Then the little F.T’s come back and the first thing you get after saying ‘how was it’ is “I didn’t like it because there were so many cars”- remember that I still have babelaas and have run to the crapper three times this morning and am not in the mood for another F.T complaining about the park being so full, but the smile comes on and you look all sympathetic and try and make them feel all better about themselves- wow I love tourists.

P.S. - for those who have no knowledge of Drifters Taal: 

F.T. = Fun tourist, funny tourist but most importantly FUCKING TOURIST!!!

Have fun guys and girls

Regards

Dennis

Pic of the week 1

A PLACE WHERE THE ELLIES DONT STOP TO STARE

On a drive into Saviti National park Botswana- I realize that we have a new campsite booked- one that I have never been to. It is HATAB # 20 but none of the wildlife wardens or the locals in Savuti know where it is. The only information we have is that firstly we are the only people to go there this year and they weren’t sure if anyone had been there last year… they also tell us that it is quite hard to find… so we set off, City and I along with three super clients who have no idea where we were going…yet.

We arrive at the road and look onto a track that is just visible because of the absence of trees in a straight line in the direction that we need to go. After about an hour and what seems like a hundred km’s later we have to stop the truck to move a scattered elephant carcass- or what was left of it other than bones. About twenty minutes after that we entered a clearing with a few Leadwood trees scattered here and there, and after a quick spot we see the small sign saying HATAB 20- but still no road to get to the sign…

This road was one of the most enjoyable, not only because the heat of the afternoon was showing my clients that Africa was no walk in the park as most of them think but because we also saw one big male Roan Antelope, one male Leopard about 100 ellies and a Caracal. No small tally for some phantom road leading into the middle of nowhere.

The only peculiar ting about this place is that the ellies don’t stop to stare as you drive past. The only visible sight is of a six ton backside running away with an awkward sprint. The ellies here are definitely not used to seeing a big green Land Cruiser or our pretty white faces.

Exploring Africa - Northern Botswana

Exploring Africa is not an easy task, most think that a simple safari is all that it takes… well think again. On my last visit to the wonderful majestic national parks of Botswana I found out the hard way that just too much confidence can be the end to a perfect day. I had planned everything down to the tee- diesel, food, camping equipment, unbreakable truck, parks guide- who we call city, huge amounts of enthusiasm and of course four super excited super ready tourists…

So on we go, as deep into the park that will allow for the first day and what a day, everywhere you looked there stood an animal- from Buffalo to thousands of elephant amazing eagles and birds and the plains game that you would only expect to see in the Serengeti. I could not have dreamed of the better start to the tour- must be every guides dream, I know that its mine. Oh… and we saw lion in the first afternoon, need I say more?
The scenes on the Chobe waterfront that day must have been some of the best game viewing that I have seen to date in any reserve, national or private. You sometimes hear that touring in the peak of the rainy season is never the best idea as you ‘wont see too much game and the bush is too thick’, well I have heard it often and believed it until that day. The weather was perfect and everything just seemed so right- I thought that the river must have something to do with it but it has been raining so much the last month or so that the entire bush is full of water everywhere you go. So why are all of the animals in this place at the same time it could be that they are all ‘bouncing’ off of the river and decided to linger longer??

Well we arrived at the camp after seven and set up camp in the dark… not a good idea for a couple of ‘normal’ tourists who can’t stop asking questions, thank goodness City is with me to take the brunt for a few days. So the tents are up and the complaints start pulling in about the bugs and mosquito’s, a few of the clients are already setting up mosquito ‘bombs’, I think they actually tried to kill every living mosquito in a ten km radius. Now after the tenth day of this I had expected them to relax and to live with them- completely the opposite… it only got worse! The typical client would get used to it and move on and accept the bugs but still the complaints move in about all of the added extras to the tour that they should have known about, i.e. the bugs.

After an early morning start we move into a long game drive safari in the Chobe national Park for. This was definitely not on the same par as the previous day as we saw close on nothing… City and I decide to move on and explore the deeper and more intimate Savuti National park, otherwise known as the Savuti Marsh. On the way between the two parks, there are a couple of very interesting villages where you can find anything from tinned pilchards and pap to a market goat or bull. This road is paradise for a 4wd lover as the sand can be as deep as the tires and the heat and roads are some of the most unforgiving that I know of so be sure to be ready for this one if you are planning a journey through here. The golden rule is though… this is the one that I forgot with all of my confidence is that there is no recovery service and only perhaps three cars per day in the quiet season!

So don’t brake down… just as I did about half way between the last town and the Savuti main gate. The clients thought I was playing a joke on them when I said that the truck wouldn’t start and had to start walking back towards the village probably about 20km away- ok it wasn’t as far as I first said. The truck had a loose connection between the alternator and the starter and the battery, which in turn managed to run both batteries flat and deemed the starter motor useless. What an exciting afternoon- long walk ahead of me, pissed off clients, probably 40 degrees centigrade, haven’t eaten and much more…. But this is just some of the reasons why I love my job and think that it is the most awesome thing ever. Who else will be able to do this and love it other than someone that has needed to do this for his whole life…? Well I think that it will be a story that can be told with a huge smile on my face. To cut a long story short we managed to fix it all and got to Savuti in the late afternoon for the last game drive of the day- other than birds we saw nothing!!! Pressure starting to build.....

One Night in Paradise

It’s just before 23h00 and its raining… sitting here in my very little tent (enough to sleep one) as close to the campfire as the nylon tent will allow. It’s not the rain and the small tent that is bothering me, no it’s the herd of elephants moving almost directly through the camp. Their shadows are easily seen with the firelight and the rumbling almost sends tremors through the ground. This is a first for me as I never sleep on the ground and my tent is all camo, so who knows what could happen- obviously you think of the worst.
Perhaps: They will walk too close to the tent?
Not sure if I could handle a 6ton footstep…
Or they will get startled by something and run through the camp as an escape
route.
‘”Must stop thinking like that- you will drive yourself insane.” A few of them are walking in the river about 30m away- the camp is directly on the waterfront in Chobe.
I truly hope that this bunch of tourists know what they are getting, they should be made to pay more… kidding of course.
I wonder if they will ever end, sounds like thousands have moved through- stopped raining now can hear everything from the first grunt to the last turd hitting the ground with an awesome thud. And the dam mozzies of course – they are worse than the ellies.
Just heard the ‘innocent’ yelp of a hyaena in the background and all I know is that if I don’t sleep now I will be up the whole night. Just imagine what the tourists must be thinking if I am the one who is supposed to be used to this. I hope they make it through the night without shitting in their pants, too afraid to use Douglas… the spade.

THE FORGOTTEN LAND

Only a few days ago, I drove a tour through Zimbabwe- the land that everybody is terrified to even talk about. We spent a total of four nights and five days in what I believe to still be the most beautiful and friendly country in Southern Africa. Even with all of the political and socio-economic drama that has hit the country over the last decade, the people of Zimbabwe are still the most welcoming and well mannered of all of the African people that I have met to date.

Now why has the country been able to get this bad? Is it because the people of Zimbabwe don't want another war or is it the fact that the people of Zim are of such humbled nature that they don't mind waiting through the struggle... all I know is that there is a time bomb waiting to explode!! The hardest thing is being able to do nothing about it - no way of helping those people - no way of being able to bring some joy to their lives.

We all need to remember what we take for granted in our day to day lives and try and reflect this in how we live our every moment.

REMEMBER......WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY 7 TRILLION FOR A LOAF OF BREAD!!

African Story

Africa.... The hot dry and seemingly wild part of this planet is the proud owner of my office. Well the big green truck to be more precise. Through Drifters adventours I travel all over Southern Africa exploring and showing some crazy tourists just how we do it over here. Hard rough and tough, the harder and rougher the better just to make sure that everybody gets their moneys worth.
This is the first entry so be sure to keep up with me as I show you the real deal of africa- ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU DONT SEE ON NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC!!!